When is teasing not teasing

Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. But are they as innocuous as they sound? Some people use teasing as a playful way to feel closer to another person or to show friendship.

In other words, they only tease the people they are comfortable with and generally tease about things that are shared between them like a little-known quirk or action. Meanwhile, other people are good at using teasing as a way to bring up a difficult subject. But sometimes playfully teasing someone or making fun of them is not so fun after all, especially if the person on the receiving end does not find it funny.

When this happens, this is bullying under the radar, or a subtle form of bullying. The best test for whether or not teasing is friendly is if the person on the receiving end finds it humorous and is laughing along. If the person being teased is not laughing, the teasing has fallen flat and an apology may be in order. In fact, research shows that while people commonly tease one another, it is fairly common for those who are being teased to misunderstand the intentions of the person teasing them.

They miss the cues that the teasing is being done affectionately and because the teaser likes them. Instead, the good intentions of teasers are not obvious and the person being teased often feels like the comments are mean and annoying.

When this happens, everyone feels uncomfortable. It is not uncommon for friends to playfully and affectionately tease each other. If someone in the group does something silly or has a funny quirk, friends naturally like to rib them about it.

Overall, most people are good-natured about getting poked fun of because of the trust and friendship that already exists. Regardless of good intentions, sometimes teasing can strike a nerve and the person on the receiving end is hurt. Perhaps the teasing centers around an area they are already concerned about and having friends point it out only compounds the situation.

Whatever the reason, the person being teased feels confused and unsure of themself. Their self-esteem is impacted as well as their resiliency. Shifting blame to the person being teased just makes the situation more uncomfortable and could damage an otherwise healthy friendship. In these instances, the teasing crosses the line and becomes bullying.

For example, a group of girls might tease one in the group about her weight. In those cases, teasing can lead to hurt feelings. With these negatives, why not discourage teasing completely?

Like any communication, teasing has its purpose. Some topics that are awkward to raise in serious conversation are easier to raise through teasing. Teasing can also be fun. Think, for example, of the back-and-forth banter that happens in any romantic comedy. Verbal bullying is different from teasing. Just the opposite: The goal is to embarrass the victim and make the bully look better and stronger. The tricky thing is that bullying may start out as teasing. Verbal bullying includes calling a victim names, taunting, and sexual harassment.

It can happen in person, through texting, and online through social media and email. Bullying also involves an imbalance of power. Rather, kids may not be able to defend themselves because of their physical size, or because of their social position in school or in a group. The bullying may even get worse. If teasing is having a negative impact on you and your relationship, there are steps you can take to help make it stop. In these instances, the teasing can cross the line and become abusive.

The key is being able to recognize good-natured, healthy teasing from teasing that attacks. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Keltner D. New York: W. Proyer, RT. To love and play: Testing the association of adult playfulness with the relationship personality and relationship satisfaction. Curr Psychol. Office on Women's Health. Emotional and Verbal Abuse.

Updated September 13, The good, the bad, and the borderline: Separating teasing from bullying. Comm Educ. Your Privacy Rights. Search Search. Positive Teasing Children tease because it can be a fun way to provoke a reaction in someone else, and they may want to reciprocate being teased themselves.

Teasing is positive when: It takes place within a strong relationship with two people who appreciate the teasing as affectionate. The person being teased does not look distressed. When Does Teasing Become Bullying? Teasing becomes bullying when: The content of the teasing turns from affectionate to hostile.

There is a power imbalance: the person teasing has more power among peers compared to the person being teased. The teasing occurs repeatedly. The child who is teasing means to upset or hurt the child being teased.